Mindset is Everything!

As centuries passed, many contemplated the one overall purpose, the reason we are given life.  What are we put here to do?  What is the force driving us all to live?  Have you ever looked up at the night sky and wondered if there was more to life as you stare at the stars?  These great thinkers were shaken by an innate sense deep within that there is more to life out there than we, as humans, are able to comprehend.  With time came a variety of possibilities:  Love, Power, Money, Family, Wisdom, Freedom, etc.  But this is only a superficial way of thinking.  As we think deeper, the question of why we desire these things in the first place rears its head.  What fuels our desire to love and be loved?  Why do people crave power over others?  We need to think deeper.  There is something beyond these things that fuels our desire for them:  Happiness.  Ultimately, we think that one or any number of these things will bring us happiness.  The true goal in life is to simply be happy and enjoy living.  The perspective in which you approach these questions matters.  If asked, “What is the purpose of life?”, people have trouble formulating an answer.  If asked what makes one truly happy, most would probably instantly say any one or more of the previously mentioned things.  This is because the first question is asked in a sense that must include everyone; whereas, the second is personal and is unique to each individual.  People are innately different; hence, what would bring each one happiness varies. 

I remember sitting in the front row of the classroom on the first day of my philosophy class many years ago when the professor began the session by asking the class this very question.  Classmates threw out things like Love, Power, Money, Family, etc., before the professor eventually explained that it was important to realize that people desire these things because they think it will bring them happiness. This meant the ultimate goal was simply happiness.  This was to teach us to look beyond the surface for the true source before building conclusions or making decisions, and the importance of having the ability to step back and view things from a macro view.  It was a philosophy class after all.  Learning to think from this perspective is a difficult process; however, it is a fruitful, life-changing experience.  Until only recently—I am ashamed to say—that although I viewed everything else in this way for many years, I did not realize I was not applying this deeper perspective to my own life.  I fished through my memories for a long time before I was able to remember how I began to think beyond my mind’s limitations.  I recently recalled this memory.  Because I was able to think in this perspective and apply it to my own life experiences, I was able to analyze even my worst, darkest traumas without the burden of emotions or fear getting in the way.  I came to realize many things that changed my view of these experiences.  I illuminated my own role in creating the possibility for these harrowing events to occur, and realized the need for me to change my behaviors and ways of thinking.  In effect, I have worked exhaustively to release my negative thought patterns and habits that put me in those situations in the first place.  Doing so has instilled such confidence in myself that I will never create another opportunity to be part of such horrendous situations again.  Ultimately, this helped me release the weight of these traumas and feel the weightlessness—the freedom—that such effort brings.  I was able to truly open myself to happiness.  Happiness is created within you by how you choose to view your own life experiences.  It is outright terrifying and extremely difficult to look back at your own traumas and find the light in those circumstances.  It takes immeasurable courage and inner strength to do so; however, it is truly worth every ounce of effort you put into it.  To be able to release your own traumas and heal yourself as I have done, it is imperative that you learn to change your mindset and your perspective, not only of your past experiences, but also what may come to pass in the future. 

I’ve learned so much about my authentic self—and the universe in general—as a result of my awakening process.  This process has truly opened my eyes to more than I could have ever possibly imagined.  I’ve been steadily working diligently on my healing for a year now, which has called for me to step increasingly farther back to truly view myself with an ever-expanding perspective.  Reflecting on the contrast between my opinion of myself a year ago at the beginning of my awakening and now, I can’t help but snicker.  I thought so poorly of myself.  There was no self-love, no self-worth.  At least, that’s how I perceived it at the time.  Now, as an awakened being, I am able to see that I made so many decisions that were believed at the time to be the best for my well-being, and that is a form of self-love.  I did value myself; I was simply too blinded by my shadows to be able to see it.

What I started to realize as I began my healing was how bound I was to my shadows, and how deep the hold the darkness had on me truly was.  The soul is not meant to be confined or restricted.  At the beginning of my awakening, I believed I lived a restricted life since childhood filled with mundane routines out of fear for my safety and of survival.  I thought I was simply doing the bare minimum to survive in this human society: work to earn money for necessities, go immediately back to my apartment only to eat and sleep.  Literally living the cycle of work, eat, sleep and repeat.  I felt I was an empty shell simply going through the motions—only performing what was necessary for survival.  The traumas I experienced forced me to make the unconscious decision to disconnect myself from my emotions, desires (including sexual), dreams and aspirations, and any passion or zest for life.  I felt a void within my own heart.  I did not feel like me.  After a couple years had passed since my traumas, I began to wish and hope for a way to regain access to my emotions because I felt a significant part of me was missing.  I thought I lost sight of myself and what I truly enjoyed.  But oh how quickly I came to realize I was wrong—at least partially.  Although I did truly block out my emotions for many years, I never stopped doing things I enjoyed at a soul level.  Therefore, I never lost myself, just the ability to see it 

I’ve always been an open-minded individual, and always found enjoyment broadening my horizons.  As I mentioned previously, the soul is meant to grow and expand—to constantly learn.  Once I was made aware of rituals and beliefs other than the norms I grew up around, I yearned to learn about them and experience what they had to offer.  Cultures and religions from all over the world intrigued me; they were a fascination I personally have always enjoyed immersing myself in to the best of my ability.  Even as I felt I was in total darkness, I still began to listen to new types of music (from Celtic and German Pagan-Folk to K-pop and Mandarin-language pop songs), ate a variety ethnic foods, explored international shops, tried on diverse clothing, and watched cultural documentaries.  In college, I willingly took classes that thoroughly discussed Eastern belief systems, ancient religions, and varying mythologies (such as Greek, Celtic, and Norse).  After much effort, I even won a scholarship in college to be able to visit England and Wales for a study abroad trip; after which, I was lucky enough to see portions of Bavaria, Austria, and Italy.  My love of other cultures and cultural practices was never lost. 

I have a passion for learning in general.  I’ve watched a plethora of documentaries for fun over the years, from wanderlust documentaries of beautiful places to history and science documentaries.  Due to an affinity for headaches and migraines, I do not enjoy reading, as it is a trigger—which is why I prefer documentaries.  I had always been obsessed with human history, and carried that fascination far beyond the requirements of my major in anthropology. 

I find my solace by being outdoors in nature, and by being immersed in water.  I go for walks nearly daily, and find myself taking pictures of things in nature, like sunsets and flowers, simply because I think they are beautiful.  When I find myself outdoors at night, the moon and stars always draw my gaze.  I’ve always enjoyed swimming, and spend entirely too much time in the shower compared to most people.  Oddly enough, in college when I had unlimited hot water (such a blessing), it was common for me to spend anywhere from one to six hours just sitting under the flowing water.  In my most recent apartment, I was lucky enough to have two bedrooms, which I decorated in these two themes: the main bedroom in a water theme, and the other in a woodsy theme.  I lived smack dab in the city, so my options for experiencing the actual environments was limited; but, I managed to find a way to incorporate them into my life.  The pleasure and relaxation I feel from these two environments was still maintained while I was amidst the darkness. 

I sang and danced like no one was watching whenever I got the chance to do so, and I even was blessed in being able to take courses in both subjects while attending college—not for any requirement, but simply because I thought they were fun.  I enjoyed ballroom, square, folk, and line dances I was lucky enough to get to learn.  My voice courses taught me to sing gospel, choral pieces, classical arias, and pop songs; I even learned to sing in foreign languages.  I took a yoga course as well, which at the time I thought I took to quell my anxiety and high stress levels.  It was likely more because I am not one who is content sitting my life away.  I enjoy movement. 

My problem was never that the chains of fear and negative attachments kept me from doing the things I enjoyed, it was that they kept me in a disserving mindset that blinded me to these truths.  From the beginning, my mindset was what bound me in darkness.  This is why it is crucial to understand that to truly heal yourself and set your soul free is to change your own perspective.  You’ll find your own power in the process.