I’ve mentioned previously that everything happens for a reason, even if you aren’t yet able to see it. I also said that once you get more attuned to the higher perspective, you can see more and more of these reasons, even as they’re occurring. Even today, I am still learning why certain things happened as they did. More recently, I learned the reason why my awakening was triggered when it was, why the source of that triggering was what it was, and the significance it had throughout my year-long journey.
For many years before my awakening was triggered, I was in a dark, dark place. I had built my life entirely around fear, and continued to attract the same situations that I feared in repetitive cycles because the negative attachment to the fear kept me in a lower vibration. So, I attracted things in that lower vibration. After compounded traumas occurred seven years ago, I completely shut out everyone and everything. I shut off my emotions, my desires, my dreams and aspirations, and my passion for life. I lived like this for seven years. However, I didn’t want to be that way. I specifically remember saying several times throughout the past couple years that I wanted to find a way to remove the block on my emotions, to feel things again. Beggars can’t be choosers.
As I mentioned, the place I was in was full of nothing but fear and anxiety. I was so incredibly closed off, even from my own emotions. My awakening last year was triggered by my twin flame—my divine partner. It felt like I got struck by lightning, or hit by a speeding train. I was completely overwhelmed for months on end with extremely intense feelings of love and burning hot passion. I used to think “Man, they couldn’t start me off easy?” I used to think I was too new to emotions that the physical sensation of feeling like my chest couldn’t contain this energy—that it was about to explode out of me—was proof that I didn’t have the emotional experience to handle such an intense love. I thought I was doing something incorrectly. But after a few months, I gained more insight and clarity. I came to realize that that intense love helped me to locate my heart when too many shadows blocked out all others. It was necessary to feel such an intense love in order to be able to find my inner sanctuary, my true heart beyond the thick darkness. So, even though I struggled in the beginning with feeling I couldn’t contain the feelings or the energy I received because of them, I came to know it had to be this way.
These feelings of love within my own heart were my guide to the light when I was deep in shadow work. Every time a new shadow surfaced for me to work on releasing, it was focusing on this love that helped me to locate my heart and recenter on it. It was this person that was the light that shone from within the darkness that illuminated my shadows. When a shadow surfaced, it was shown to me in my dreams by this person. It also helped that I was already aware of what a ‘twin flame’ was, as I learned it in high school. This was because I knew twin flames mirrored everything back to each other. Meaning, every fear, insecurity, or shadow was present on both sides. Although this may seem grim, it’s also true for the good things—the love for each other, the physical attraction, the magnetic pull to each other, were also equally present on both sides. It was this truth that he was my mirror soul image that helped illuminate my shadows, because everything I saw in him—the good things I admired, and the shadows I could see—were present in me, whether I knew it consciously or not.
The good thing though is that as I progressed forward and released more and more shadows, I created more and more space within myself to hold light and love. I built up my love for myself as I overcame my shadows. It’s like as this self-love expanded within me, it pushed out the shadows—until recently when I released the last of my shadows. I can feel myself being a spirit of pure light and love now, one who resides now in the flow of love and abundance. The strange thing is, that once this unconditional love for myself filled me up, the feeling of needing this person in my physical life dissipated. The feelings of love certainly will never go away, nor will our connection in spirit; however, I am able to accept that I no longer ‘need’ this person in my physical life. I naturally have a strong innate sense of justice and fairness. Hence, I had avoided even attempting opening up to romantic relationships in the past because I knew I was not healthy and didn’t want to end up depending on a person to be there for me when I had a shadow surface. This would have been unfair. This would have created codependent relationships, and I sincerely did not want to be in one. So, I chose to be alone, and honestly accepted I would be for the rest of my life, until the awakening journey was triggered of course. I am so incredibly happy that I no longer ‘need’ my twin flame in my 3D life, because now I can open myself up to romantic relationships fully confident in knowing that it wouldn’t be codependent. Regardless of who I consider being in a relationship with, I know it would be a healthy one.
I’ve had many people tell me it was their twin flame that triggered their awakening, but I don’t think any of them have come to realize this is likely why. It is to those people, to you, that I pass on this message. There is a reason you were awakened with this love, this intense, beautiful, burning passion. Know that you will find yourself in a place eventually where you too will feel you no longer ‘need’ to be with this person physically, and will feel grateful for all they’ve helped you with. It is with this knowing, that will give you the confidence to open yourself up to any romantic relationship, one with someone that is willing to fight for and provide you with everything you want in a relationship. It could be this person, or it could be someone new coming in. The universe will provide you with what you truly deserve.
Blessings and love to you! Good Luck! ❤
****Right as I typed this last paragraph, “Thank You” by Dido came on. This is confirmation, at least for me that I truly am grateful and thankful for my twin flame’s help and guidance. I’ve truly become an entirely different person, and I love it!
Not Your Cup of Tea 