Even as a child, I realized on a conscious level that I could easily read people and third-party situations of which I had no involvement in. At some point during my awakening, I became aware that this was due to my empathic and clairsentient abilities—I am closely connected to people’s heart and third-eye chakras, which is a gift that allows me to clearly sense the energy of a person’s true self and distinguish the mood when I walk into a room. I feel I was more in tune with these gifts growing up, but just not consciously aware of what they were. Once the awareness hit me this past year, I found my perspective within even my childhood and teenage memories had changed. Awakening nurtures a higher perspective in the present—as you awaken farther, this perspective slowly grows to overtake the limits of your ego and those of others’ egos—but to see it affect my state in my memories, that’s a gift in its own right. Sadly though, I can ashamedly say that although I can clearly recall many instances where these empathic and clairsentient abilities held their influence, I know well that when it came to myself or any situation I had a presence in, ignorance and naivety couldn’t begin to describe my awareness. I know now that although I could correctly perceive these energies on an intuitive level, I had chosen to listen all too often to the trappings of my ego. For example, in situations involving love and attraction, my ego (scarred already by the abuse as a child) continued to tell me these feelings weren’t possible, that I wasn’t worthy of them, that I wasn’t good enough for them, that I was damaged. I truly believed these egoistic illusions, and I couldn’t sense what my intuition was trying to point out.
I mentioned in a previous blog article that a large necessity for releasing traumas was that you had to accept that you had a role to play in creating the opportunity for these traumas to occur. I know, not easy to believe or accept, but it’s harsh a truth that any survivor must accept if they are truly to overcome these traumas. My choice—clearly a poor one—to listen to my ego over my intuition, in tandem with my tendency to be over-compassionate to others, led me to keep the perpetrators in my company when they did not respect my boundaries, and it led in each of the circumstances to the unsavory result. My point is, that these gifts of empathy and clairsentience were always present, I just chose poorly and didn’t listen to them. This was why this karmic cycle of abuse continued to repeat. In order to break such a cycle, I realized from that moment of clarity onward, I needed to continuously throughout the remaining time in this lifetime in every situation, big or small, to distinguish the truths provided by my intuitive abilities from what was ego-based, and consciously choose of my own free will to follow the guidance of my own inner wisdom. I must choose to stand in my own power, not give it away. The cycle isn’t broken in one instance and then forever in the past, I must continuously consciously choose to follow my intuition over my ego.
It was easier, I wouldn’t quite say ‘easy’ by any means, however, it was certainly easier for me to perceive and become aware of these situations involving abuse in its many forms being a karmic cycle. I was also able to perceive the karmic cycles occurring in my life that were generational curses I was sent here to break, as well as, karmic cycles of others occurring both within their own lives and on a generational level. But in some cases, it’s not always so simple to distinguish what is a karmic cycle, and what is healthy. I still struggle with this presently. I became aware only two days ago that a situation that was the trigger of my awakening and my guiding light throughout my shadow work, and which I had believed to be inevitable and would soon bring an equally balanced result, was actually not as I perceived. Yes, these facts were true, but they were not the higher reason I was struck like lightning with this situation. In truth, this situation resurfaced so I could learn a karmic lesson. It was in fact a karmic cycle that resurfaced, not a healthy situation.
***In the next article, I will explain in detail the reality of the situation and how I became aware it was a karmic cycle, and the higher lesson I had to learn from it.***
This karmic cycle was difficult for me to realize because I had incorrectly believed that to be on my spiritual path, I had to follow my heart’s desire, not my mind. My heart was too engrossed in the situation for me to see this cycle clearly at first. But in putting immense effort into detaching myself emotionally and energetically from the situation for months, I finally came to see that although my heart did truly desire it, it could not be fulfilled at this time, and to follow that path, I would give away my power and everything I’ve worked so hard to achieve in this lifetime. I still have work to do first to truly step into my power and reach toward my ambitions; so, although my heart will always lie with this and my mind knows this, I must follow another path until in divine timing, fulfilling this desire wouldn’t sacrifice any part of myself to reach the result. Sad, yes, but a necessary lesson I had to learn.
Hence, my purpose today is to pass this wisdom I struggled to learn the hard way onto you, so you too can gain this wisdom, but in a kinder, simpler way. Trust me when I say this, don’t listen to memes or sayings of others that tell you that your heart is the guidance you must follow. In truth, you must find a balance between your heart’s desire and your mind’s awareness to clearly distinguish that path you must follow. I guess you can say, “Balance is everything”. Simply because your heart wants something, doesn’t mean it is a healthy, destined situation. Detach from the situation, however long it takes to do so, to determine a healthy solution and which path you must follow. Best of luck my fellow light beings!
Not Your Cup of Tea 