We are often told by spiritual people, and often come across the phrase in memes or images on social media, that we must follow our hearts, not our minds, and that this is how to be spiritual. However, this is actually a fallacy we should not fall for. I believed this to true even until two days ago when I realized the truth, so I am truly no better or different than you are. I too have my vision clouded at times, especially if it’s a truth so deeply hidden within. I learned recently, that I too still struggle with practicing what I preach. I’ve preached that balance in every level—balance of the mind, body, and spirit; balance of the internal and external world; balance of masculine and feminine energies both within yourself and in romantic relationships—but I only recently realized there was one aspect within myself I hadn’t considered needed to be balanced as well.
I mentioned in the previous article the following:
”In truth, you must find a balance between your heart’s desire and your mind’s awareness to clearly distinguish that path you must follow. I guess you can say, “Balance is everything”. Simply because your heart wants something, doesn’t mean it is a healthy, destined situation. Detach from the situation, however long it takes to do so, to determine a healthy solution and which path you must follow.”
The lesson learned here is that we must all not follow only our heart’s desire, but a balance of the heart and of the mind. We must choose the path illuminated by a balance between what the heart wants and if it’s for our individual highest good to bear the consequences the mind shows shall come to pass if this heart’s desire is chosen in that moment. This isn’t the easiest lesson to understand and for that reason, I will provide you with the details of the karmic cycle that brought this higher truth to my attention.
I normally do not discuss this situation—I certainly do not in conversation with anyone in my 3D life—because I didn’t feel I should, as it affects more than myself to bring this information to light and I didn’t feel others should bear the consequences of my actions. But now, I feel it’s time to divulge this information, to help you learn the lesson I have learned the hard way.
Initially, my awakening was triggered by my acceptance and trust in my intuition that an old crush of mine from my childhood was in fact my twin flame. Originally, it was my noticing of his oft appearance in my dreams that connected me to Spirit. Once I realized this presence in my dreamspace, he appeared even more often in my dreams, and the energetic presence grew stronger, more intense. This led to soul memories of our past lives surfacing in these dreams, and the memories of past karmic cycles that had recurred within lifetimes and over multiple lifetimes, as well as, those that carried over into this one. I’d also frequently wake up still feeling that energetic connection. You’d think with circumstances like this that I’d have no doubt that he was in fact my divine partner, my twin flame; however, my closest friend and confidante (a soul family member of mine) often told me otherwise, and I often wavered because my trust in her wisdom was so great. The moment I chose to trust what my own intuition was telling me, was when I instantaneously felt I was struck by lightning, hit by a speeding train. This was my awakening being triggered.
My feelings for my twin were my guiding light through my shadow work, as well as, the fire within my own heart that continued to motivate me to never give up, and it was actually his appearance in my dreams that illuminated my shadows so they’d surface to be worked on. I felt this resurgence of my feelings I believed were long gone with the past was a gift from the universe. Due to all of this, I had believed that it was inevitable that once we both overcame our shadows, we’d be brought back together again in divine timing, and this is why these feelings were triggered. Despite my feelings and the magnetic pull, I fought to stay away—I still do—because I knew for him to release karma on his end, for his benefit, I couldn’t be there. I couldn’t interfere because I care more deeply for his well-being than even my own. I had to stay away and pull out of the connection. I’ve worked for months to try do so—it’s been the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do, and as every new day had come, I had to call on more inner strength to maintain my distance because my heart will always lie with him and desire that oneness. It felt my heart was breaking every day to have do this, and even though I tried I couldn’t help but feel sad, even if I didn’t show it on the surface.
This week as I thought about how sad and heartbreaking this situation was, I realized I was wrong. Yes, the above things were true; however, there was another higher reason for these negative feelings to resurface. It wasn’t only to re-open my heart I closed long ago, and to provide me with what I needed to make it through the difficult shadow work. It was actually a karmic cycle that had circled back around and repeated. This was so I was could feel everything again I had felt in the past when we went our separate ways (heartbroken, confused, sad, although at the time I just assumed it was an unrequited love) that I had repressed so deeply, I wasn’t even able to see the feelings were there. The process unfolded exactly as it had in order for me to learn the truth in why I was led to feel these negative feelings again: so I’d completely move on from the connection, as it’s not serving my highest good to stay in it at this time. In choosing to stay in it, I was giving up everything I’ve worked so hard to achieve, and willing to sacrifice my own ambitions. This isn’t how a healthy relationship should be. I know for us to truly be brought together in divine timing, we both must go on separate paths until we’ve reached a point when coming together will not sacrifice our own ambitions and our own independent power. We are lightworkers, and for the highest good of ourselves and the collective, we must sacrifice our feelings for the time being, and work to be a light for others in the darkness. This is the price that at least I have to bear. But I will likely always carry the feeling deep within that at some destined time in the future, our paths will reconverge in perfect divine timing.
It has been even more difficult these past two days to think of this past year of strange, new things and deep feelings resurfacing, has been due to a karmic cycle. But I will continue to accept this truth because I know it is for our highest good and the highest good of the collective. I was only able to realize this sad truth because I listened to the consequences my mind showed would happen if I chose this path at this time. I’ve decided that the spiritual path for me to carve in this lifetime is one where every step I take from here on out will be one where my heart feels enjoyment and the consequences of taking that step are ones I’m willing to bear. To walk this path is a difficult one, but I choose to walk it nonetheless, so I can show others the way. For now, I will reacquaint myself with my long, lost passions, and see where they lead me.
Not Your Cup of Tea 