I mentioned previously at some point that establishing and asserting healthy boundaries is necessary to live healthily and confidently. It’s important for us to know what we like, and what we will never do. We need to know what treatment towards us we accept and what punishment we will assert if we’re treated unjustly. Asserting these boundaries is where our own power to protect ourselves resides.
However, I’ve come to realize more clearly on other types of boundaries I’ve had to distinguish and protect that are far more difficult to perceive and to assert:
Emotional Boundaries.
I’ve always had a problem with carrying a lot of negative emotions, especially due to the traumas I’ve endured. But the thing is, these negative emotions were not mine to carry, and not my burden to bear. This is why they felt heavy, weighty. These negative emotions were projections of others’ inner child wounds and their negative emotions that I allowed to affect me. To be honest, I only came to realize this shadow behavior of mine rather recently, as I’ve been riddled with a lot of negative thoughts and feelings lately that have been weighing me down and draining my energy. I felt these feelings trapping me in a lower vibration. But I came to realize the truth that the sources of these burdens were the projection of others’ inner child wounds or shadows toward me.
I know, I’m not making much sense, and this is so difficult to put into words. But here are some examples of my own experiences that may help illuminate what I am trying to explain.
One example: As I gave up my previous life and returned to the town I grew up in, I have been staying in my dad’s house and I have absolutely hated every bit of it. There are multiple reasons for this, however, for this purpose, I’ll keep the explanation to one. Since I got here, my dad has only ever exploded on me for no reason, or ignored my existence entirely. Out of fear of being yelled at every time I left this room, I allowed myself to feel constant anxiety and stress, expecting worst case scenarios. How is this an emotional boundary issue? Because I have worked incredibly hard and achieved so much healing, that I have achieved happiness, and I’ve created that inner world I can retreat to whenever I need calm and peace. This happiness is my true state. As long as I ground myself in this happiness, it is all I am. But, allowing my dad to take his stress and anger out on me, or fearing he would, was me not distinguishing the truth that I am happiness, and the anxiety and fear were projections of my dad’s emotions onto me. I was not able to distinguish that these emotions were not my own, and therefore, not able to protect my emotional self from influence. I’ve been here for a little over a year, and I have spent all the way up until only rather recently drained entirely of energy because I was fighting this battle daily trying to maintain these defenses that I thought protected me from the worst possible scenario.
Example Two: This one is the hardest to accept is not a negative emotion we have to endure: heartbreak. It’s not something I like to talk about ever, partially because frankly, the fear was too overwhelming for me to even see that there was heartbreak I suffered, and that this heartbreak is truly what trapped me. I’ve suffered a lot of traumas that broke my heart, and my connections only ever seemed to end in heartbreak on my end. It would always leave me wondering what I did that was so wrong because all I ever did was be giving and caring. It eventually made me believe that being openhearted and allowing others to know my heart intimately (friends mostly) was not safe for me. Being abused and inappropriately touched by your own older brother, whom we were raised to believe we had to be close with and love unconditionally—to learn this wasn’t the case for me, was heartbreaking. Having your mother leave without a care in the world—heartbreaking. Having your dad, the only parent you adored, close himself off from the world and me as a result—heartbreaking. Having only siblings who were cruel bullies—heartbreaking. Due to a set of events, thinking the person you loved didn’t like you (unrequited)—heartbreaking. Being raped by a ‘friend’—heartbreaking. Being raped by another ‘friend’ immediately after—heartbreaking. Your closest friend never returning your kindness and caring behavior, then using you for yours—heartbreaking. Having to end this friendship because you realized this behavior wasn’t okay—heartbreaking. Having your closest longtime friend spend months purposely treating you poorly to get you to end the friendship because they didn’t have the courage to but wanted out of it—heartbreaking. Not by any means asking for any romantic relationship but the universe going “muahahaha” and shoving you right off that tower only to be left feeling heartbroken and alone the whole time—extra heartbreaking. I feel I have been so heartbroken so many times, by so many people whom I allowed into my heart, and as a result, I have been struggling so much and expending so much energy these past two years trying to raise my vibration every single day, to try to rise above this low vibration of heartbreak, that exhaustion has eaten me alive.
But ultimately, I realized maybe last week? Not really sure anymore, kind of blurry on the timeline, that my being openhearted and caring for others is NOT a negative behavior, simply because I wind up heartbroken every time. I feel heartbroken due to their actions toward me caused by some unconscious wound within them. This means, that the heartbreak is a projection of their emotional chaos, not mine. Oddly enough, after realizing this, it has been so much easier for me to distinguish what feelings and emotions are not of my own internal me.
All this time, all this time this past two years that I consciously felt heartbreak, I have been continuously told by higher beings, mostly telling myself constantly, to always have compassion for others because it’s not that they’re either good or bad, it’s just that they are still in a lower vibration than me, and that they will be where I am when they are meant to be. Honestly, I’ve known this, and have held this view of others this whole time, even those who have caused me heartbreak. But I struggled so much with my daily battle with heartbreak because I have been so upset that even though I felt like my heart was ripped to shreds every day, I still had to be compassionate and understanding of others—like I had to sacrifice my own feelings, like they simply didn’t matter. I felt that I was constantly being asked to be understanding of everyone and that everyone has their own situations they’re struggling with, so much so that my feelings of sadness and heartbreak weren’t validated. That my feeling them wasn’t allowed because I HAD to be understanding that they have their reasons. I felt like I was invisible in comparison to others because I couldn’t feel anything. These past few months especially, I’ve struggled so deeply with heartbreak and feeling even more heartbroken that I wasn’t allowed to feel heartbroken but felt it anyway, and I REALLY beat myself up for feeling such feelings because I thought it was a bad thing for me to feel such heartbreak. I continuously wallowed in the shower or lying awake in bed all night telling myself, “No, you aren’t allowed to feel heartbroken, you know their treatment of you is due to their own situations, not that you’re not good enough”. I was so incredibly trapped in heartbreak and self-punishment. But I put so much effort everyday into clearing out space within for a solution to come my way as best I could. I don’t like feeling trapped or burdened in anyway, nor am I meant to. This I knew.
The solution to this heavy, heavy burden on my heart? Emotional boundaries. I finally saw that feeling this heartbreak in response to others’ treatment of me was my reaction to their suffering—like I was feeling their pain, and carrying it for them. As long as I was suffering, they could feel free from their burdens. Like how people relieve stress by boxing or going to the batting cages—I was the punching bag or baseball they were passing their stress onto. And I allowed it. But just because I can sense others’ pain and feel their emotions, doesn’t mean it’s my burden to bear. It’s similar to my previous mention of ‘reparenting others’ inner child wounds’ in that by allowing them to unload their stress and anger onto me, they never felt it themselves, ultimately, preventing them from feeling what’s necessary for them to heal themselves.
So, now that I am so clearly able to distinguish what my emotional being feels, I can establish boundaries that help me to ward off others’ emotions. I can free myself of the weighty burdens that aren’t mine to bear. We need emotional boundaries. We need to work to determine what our true emotional self is, and not allow others’ emotions or wound projections to affect us. But does this mean you have to mistreat others, or hate them. No, most are not doing this maltreatment toward you purposely or consciously. As higher vibrational beings who have done the work to raise our own vibrations, we MUST understand that compassion toward these people is necessary. I know, you’re thinking, “WHATTTTTT?”, but seriously, this is what the universe (Spirit, or whatever word you use for the source of life) requires of us to accept. Think about it, were you always in a higher vibration? Were you always aware of your negative behaviors? Were you always able to not internalize others’ pain? NO! Find a way to allow your compassion for others’ position being lower than yours to help you to determine your own emotional boundaries, and then protect them. If you’ve gotten this far, you would have already put much effort into creating your own internal happy place, your own internal world. Remember that this is the true emotional state for you, everything else is someone else’s burden to carry. Don’t allow these darknesses encroach on your inner light.
Not Your Cup of Tea 