I am alone all the time, making my thoughts my only company. I enjoy being alone though. I like being able to connect to myself and ground myself in my soul truth. I’ve said probably many times at this point that, “my body contains an ever-expanding universe I consciously know very little about but learn more of every day,”. I’ve reached the point where I feel no difference between the universe within myself and the universe we all exist in. I feel like I’m simply an antenna that the universe and its wisdom flow through always. There’s much freedom in this. Everything has some sort of seemingly metaphoric or spiritual meaning when perceived thorough this lens. Even things minute in size or are easy to pass by or shrug off have a meaning behind it. A good example I’ve been a-ponderin’ over a lot lately:
Most of us have heard of tarot cards and seen their imagery. We often look at them and give our focus to the main image symbolized in the name on the card; however, there is far more to the other images and the landscape of each card.
THE TOWER:
Traditionally, in a shortened version, the Tower card represents a shocking, sudden, or surprising event that causes a breakdown of something within your life or your inner world. It’s often perceived as divine intervention, a breaking down by the universe brought on by the refusal to step out of your comfort zone or do the healing work.
However, there are other things you can learn by looking at one of the imagery in the more common depictions of the card.
Look at the images of the Tower cards. Below the tower, there is water at the bottom there to catch you. In the event you’re left with no choice but to jump, you’ll be saved by the water.
Spiritually, water symbolizes unconditional love, creativity, psychic and intuitive abilities, empathy, sensitivity, and emotional fulfillment. Its energy is nurturing, caring, calming, soothing, cleansing, and purifying. This element is associated with the suit of Cups in tarot.
But what is the significance of water being at the bottom of the tower mean? It means that when all else fails, the only thing that remains and saves you in the end is love. However, not in the way you originally perceive.
When my awakening was triggered, this is exactly how it felt—like I was instantaneously struck by lightning by the divine, and I knew there was no possibility of ever going back to the person I was just a moment earlier. But for me, I wasn’t frightened, I was relieved and excited. I felt free from the tower I created that held me trapped in darkness because I’d been trying to find a solution for a long time (several already failed solutions).
But with this triggering, what crumbled, and what caught me as I jumped? In that tower moment, I was reconnected energetically to my twin flame (a topic I’ve always avoided discussing, as I still believe it to be for the highest good of the collective). I’d always avoided romantic relationships and even feelings as whole, willingly having chosen to be alone. So, even though I still hoped for healing and release from the darkness, no I did not ask for, nor did I want romance or love. I was, however, happy to have another opportunity to try to heal myself, so I accepted this connection with much hesitation and continued the journey. I perceived at first that this person had been the one to wake me up, that it was the love between us that had been the one truth that remained after every tower moment or death that occurred along the journey—that the water at the bottom of the tower was this love, this connection. Due largely in part to my hesitation and the unfavorable 3D circumstances, I quickly realized early on, however, that it was not this person that woke me up. My water, my safety net, was my unconditional love for myself.
The awakening journey is a solo journey, there’s no getting past that. In the beginning, we perceive it to be otherwise. We perceive it to be a path we walk with another, but this is not the case. This thinking is based in the idea that we are separate in the first place, and that each one of is not whole without this person. This is an illusion. We are always connected to everyone and everything on some level, and sure TFs are the same soul, like two sides of the same coin. But we can be that whole soul on our own, access and embody both energies, and the awakening journey teaches us this.
The water at the bottom of my crumbling tower was not this person or a love we shared. That water that caught me, that awakened me, was my own feelings of unconditional love within. The tower crumbling in my triggering was the walls I had up that blocked my own heart chakra and my own ability to feel my own emotions—unhealthy protection mechanisms in effect of the traumas I suffered. I perceived it originally as this person only because it took me a bit to accept I had this love within myself. When I first realized early on that my feelings of love within was my trigger, I believed that the love I had for this person was my safety net; but again, I came to realize later on again that this also was not the case. Love projected at another cannot by your safety and security. If you continue to think this way, you’ll continue to remain co-dependent on them, and stuck in an unhealthy attachment. The water that will catch you after the Tower falls is your own unconditional love for yourself. Learn to love and pamper yourself as you would a romantic partner and that will become your stability and security. This will also fill your heart up with so much love it’ll overflow, like the Ace of Cups, and give you the love you can share with others.
Learning to appropriately care and nurture yourself, learning to create balance within yourself and only allow in that which doesn’t disturb that balance, learning to have and assert healthy boundaries, and inviting genuine support into your life are significant things you have to do as part of your journey. This journey’s purpose is to empower yourself, so that you can see you are whole on your own, that you don’t need anyone else to complete you or bring you happiness. So, even though you may in the beginning believe another person’s love for you, or your love for another person is your security, you are asked to understand as part of this journey that it is only your own love for yourself that remains when all else comes crumbling down. This self-love motivates you to do better, to achieve more, to challenge yourself. When genuine unconditional love is the root of your essence, it instills you with more love and compassion to share with others.
Moral of the story, love yourself. It is your safety and security.
Not Your Cup of Tea 